So you have had a nervous breakdown…now what?

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The wiki on nervous breakdowns for those who are unfamiliar.

I’m sitting here in the study trying to crochet. And then can’t.

I have lunch, and want to throw up.

I look at the books on my desk and consider them. Then I don’t.

I can’t organize the desk…my OCD kicked in on that one and I think I rearranged it three times to no avail. It’s objectively fine, but subjectively I feel like it’s cluttered and that agitates me.

I could work out, but I’m exhausted. I’m also waiting to get an okay from the doctor as I am now being sent to an internist (news to me, I got the letter in the mail in response to my blood tests results).

I could bead…but dread pulling all of the supplies out and then sitting there wondering what I am going to make. The idea alone, overwhelms me.

Actually all of it does.

I managed to make my bed, and get showered. I’ve eaten healthy. I’ve weighed in (weight is back down from the spiral into the abyss which caused me to spike that 8-pound loss into a 10-pound gain). Back down to the original weight, so it’s a 10-pound loss.

That’s a roller coaster that will make your stomach  do flip flops.

Trying to get anything started, or done, is near impossible. My brain is still not ready for anything complicated or anxiety ridden.

Nothing that requires making decisions, please.

The worst is over, I know that. For now.

My head is starting to clear, I’m less in tears. I am not feeling that raging screaming inside my head anymore.

It’s quiet. Really quiet. No videos on Facebook or YouTube today. I tried though. It didn’t work.

I feel like I’m a little numb. But better too, enough to write this.

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